New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
