thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
