I faked an abortion last night.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
