Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
