You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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