I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize