Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
