I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
