I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
