my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
