Don't you send me to vm
I think my fart just growled at me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
