i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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