You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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