So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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