3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
