Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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