My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this boner is exhausting
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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