worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
