haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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