just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
