I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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