That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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