Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
