just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
