just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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