Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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