Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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