There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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