I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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