Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
