Already got asked if we're dating
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
