im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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