We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
