She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
