i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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