Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
