listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
