No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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