Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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