friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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