just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
