I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize