I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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