Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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