so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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