sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize