There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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