Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A bitchslap is in order.
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