i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
