I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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