I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
