You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
