I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
