I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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