Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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