Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
