my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
