Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
