I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
