So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
