thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
