guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm too high and old for this...
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