New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
