Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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